Advice on friends

[hambone]

What do you do when a good friend starts hangin out with a semi-racist meathead? I've tried, but I just can't handle hangin out with this guy...I had enough when I heard the words "I hate Mexicans...and so does my dog". It was downhill from there.
My friend is ulta intelligent and very inspired, I wonder what the hell he's thinking? I'm not sure how to be delicate about this. I'm not judging anybody, I just don't want to be around a lot of negative crap. Far be it for me to tell someone how to live their life...I guess I'm just gonna have to tell him straight, that I really just don't enjoy spending time with th' knucklehead. People have many facets of their pesonalities, it's a drag when someone activates a not-so-flattering piece.

[zblair]

Hey Hambone, sounds like you've already got your answer. When I was in that place I didn't judge either, I just walked away from both parties. In my case, eventually the *temporarily blinded* friend did too and we got caught up again on our lives.

Hope that happens for you too.

[Velokid1]

Ditto. No need to even say it until asked... just start saying, "Mr. X is coming along? Naw, thanks. Maybe next time."

I love my Harley but hardly ride it these days because 8 out of 10 motorcyclists are twits.

[hambone]

Thanks, I really appreciate your words. I'm smart sometimes, but am a dumbass when it comes to relationships....I guess it helps to be outside the situation.

[nakedfrog]

Puts me in mind of They Might Be Giants - Your Racist Friend...
http://www.tmbw.net/wiki/index.php/Lyri ... ist_Friend

[hambone]

That about sums it up....

[kool aid]

Most racist people are just plain ignorant. Thats all. What they need is enlightenment. Perhaps some cultural education is in order? We can all get along if we are properly educated and indoctrinated to each other.

[hambone]

Are they ignorant? I don't feel like it's my place to say that. That means I think I'm better or higher evolved than them, and that's a crock of shit. Maybe they exist as a lesson for us all, somehow. I dunno man, I don't hate anyone, why should I? What does it accomplish? On the other hand, I'm not exactly dancin around throwin flowers in the air, life is too messy for pure bliss. I do have a lot to be thankful for tho.
I just keep thinkin that life is over in a blink of an eye, but we still have to wash dishes and bring home the bacon when we'd rather be off playin around somewhere...
Or maybe it's just like that movie Groundhod Day, we wake up, same crap in a different pot. Maybe next time around I'll have a harem to make up for the million frustrations of this lifetime.

[kool aid]

Well, i guess i should have chosen my words a little differently. By ignorant, I mean that they simply dont know any better.

You know, walk a mile in someone esles shoes........ Most racists wont do that.

[hambone]

You are right. Interesting....

[LiveonJG]

You've gotten some good advice Hambone. Walking away is probably your best bet. I'd have a hard time doing that myself. I'd talk to my friend about why I no longer want to share their company. I'd probably end up pissing them off and the friendship would end anyway. At least I would hope that I could get them thinking about what a dickhead they've decided to hang out with. And I'll feel better about myself for standing up for what I believe. Racism is one of the ugliest aspects of the human condition.
Either way if your friend takes to that kind of philosophy and embraces it too, your friendship is probably doomed no matter what you do.
-John

[Elwood]

Hambone you know I think you are the best and you continue to delight me with your post. You have a sage wit and insight unlike others that post here. I feel and see your delima about this ignorant friend and agree that you must make a statement to him. How about just talking friend to friend and asking him/her whats up???? And taking from that conversation a decision to continue any futhure companionship.

[Amskeptic]

Are they ignorant? I don't feel like it's my place to say that. That means I think I'm better or higher evolved than them, and that's a crock of shit. I dunno man, I don't hate anyone, why should I?

Excellent predicament to be in. It will help you define yourself.

Anger might be another word for "hate" in this instance.
Anger is a good pure affirmation of respect for the person who has disappointed you. It actually flows from a love of all the values you are committed to.

If this person does not inspire you to anger, then it means you may not have enough of a friendship to put what you believe in on the line for his consideration. But if this racist side of an otherwise good friend irritates you still, then perhaps he needs a page from the Hambone Book Of What's Important.

Sometimes the polite, diffident, avoidant, socially recommended path is the exact wrong choice when what this world desperately needs is more voices of passionate conviction from the heart.
Colin

[hambone]

Thank you all. Much apprecitated.

[Adventurewagen]

Just be sure not to dump on your friend too much though for hanging out with this dood. My suggestion would be to continue to support your friend, hang out with them and make an effort but just don't feel obligated to be apart of your friends choices in friends. Personally I'd just tell them sometime in a nice way like, "Is so and so coming, because personally they offend me and I'd rather not hang out with them". Something like that ought to do it. And sometimes you just can't avoid it. You show up to a party or something and the other guy is there, nothing you can do about it but deal with it and try to avoid it in the future.